I feel angry that a woman in general and in addition— a woman who’s carrying a life inside of her is left to the trash and not honored and cared for . A direct representation of how the earth is just trashed constantly and destroyed and not honored for her beauty and all she does to sustain our lives every single day. I was told , “ Ya, I cared about you.. but not enough.”
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I was shamed the fuck out of for not ending her life - when I am the only one who has the authority to choose what I want to do with my own body.
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In my 7th month of pregnancy while sick in bed, I was asked if I felt guilty or if I felt she was a mistake ….
Never was . Never will be. And what on earth would I feel guilty for ?!
For getting impregnated ( which I didn’t do to my own self by the way) and then having enough courage to keep going and be beyond honored to be a mother of this precious angel and devote the rest of my existence to loving her and caring for her ?
Nope. No guilt there.
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Now that I am moments away from my birth … I wish I had this big, strong, beautiful, masculine, supportive, encouraging, uplifting anchor to hold me in my birth. To fire up my oxytocin levels and envelop me in love. To root me on and be excited for this new life. To have all the faith in me that I can do this and I got this. To be there to watch her enter and give her so much love for her birth moment in this new world.
I wish I could have that experience. But… I don’t right now.
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And guess what? It is all perfect. Perfectly orchestrated . For whatever reasons, it just is. I will also say that it’s not my intention at all to say anything bad about anyone here and their choices. I am just vulnerably sharing my story and experience. I feel it’s so important because we all have our own journeys and there are so many who have such powerful experiences and it’s not only the “ storybook “ way . There is no storybook. It’s all beautiful and so worth it. I am grateful for all of it. Including this being because he helped me create this beautiful miracle~ my daughter. I am forever connected because she is a part of him and so am I now. We all came here to share medicine with each other.
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