What I have found and learned in this metamorphosis of maiden to mother - after the huge metamorphosis we already transform through in pregnancy— is that beauty looks and feels way different.
All of our previous notions of beauty , strength and our bodies inside and out are shattered . All of our tools we acquired before this moment to find our power, strength, move energy, self love, find our center, peace, etc — all of our practices of breath, movement , rituals —- it’s gone . Because we are in another dimension now. We don’t have that type of time or energy to devote to those things. The challenging part is that we feel we need it to help ourselves, have our sanity, find balance , rest, etc.
Self love looks different because we are not living only for ourselves anymore. We are living for another being / s. We are pouring all of our love, energy, dedication and devotion into them ~ first.
Especially as a solo mother , it’s way different. We don’t have the ability to do our breathwork or yoga practice while our significant other is taking a shift with our baby .
Back to the phase of maiden to mother —-
I have learned that it is the grandest initiation to find our true beauty . To find our true power through softness .
This time —- the actual physical softness of our bodies. The different image . The sleepless nights and exhaustion to the bone. The pain. The isolation. The feeling of all your muscles and organs out of place still and finding their way back ( I should say FORWARD).
To a new place .
Just as your body knew exactly what to do to shift and transform perfectly for your baby to live inside your body, be nurtured, sustained and flourish into being— your body knows and is built to know exactly what to do when your baby is outside of your body ~ yet still connected and co- regulating with yours. You are still sharing energy centers, nervous systems etc .
So, as your baby grows and gets stronger , learns her mobility ~ you will too. Every day your baby gets stronger , you will too.
I remember such moments of feeling down about my body in certain ways post partum until about 7 months with Nayiia.
I felt like I still felt no muscles, no core, and gained weight breastfeeding etc.
A daily dance of not feeling good about my body, and loving my body for how powerful it was to birth her into this world and keep sustaining her all on my own. The beauty of imperfection ~ motherhood . The art of surrender. And just feeling so beautiful and powerful the way I am, now that I am a mother.
Not caring much anymore about the things I did before, because I have a sparkling, radiant , beautiful little girl I am carrying and that is just sooo BEAUTIFUL. And I started to feel even more beautiful eventually . Not wanting to be a maiden anymore. Not relating to that.
There’s a humbleness , a humility that’s needed in motherhood that honestly cannot be accessed when we are maidens . We are still living for ourselves no matter how beautifully of service we are to others and the earth. We are still only for ourselves .
It’s a shattering and a true humbling.
And then the real, raw, true beauty, power and wisdom shines through.
It’s the greatest gift.
And what feels and looks attractive very much changes .
Once I hit the 7 month mark, I noticed my body getting a bit stronger . Still softer and not ripped, rock-solid, athletic like it was before , but stronger for sure. And between 8-9 months I am definitely feeling a difference. I am loosing weight, but not intentionally . My focus is to eat lots of calories and high fats and protein, carbs etc to keep my milk supply flowing and golden and make sure I’m like fully nourished . It’s hard as it is as a single mother to even make anything for myself so I am not on any sort of diet at all and when my focus is to keep nourishing Nayiia — the focus and channel of energy is not geared towards that right ?
So— naturally as I started to accept and love my new self ( not easy at all and not perfect and I totally have ups and downs - just like the cycles of life and the tides of the sea ) my body started to integrate more. Find it’s way forward. I donated all my old clothes that didn’t fit so I didn’t have to try them on over and over that couldn’t get past half my thighs . I donated them to women who really needed things .
And as I start to shed that old identity — my body got leaner and stronger too .
And with breastfeeding we are softer— but I promise your strength is there. You have to find a different kind of strength. Then the physical strength comes too .
I also cannot do a workout, yoga , etc. I just carry my baby around all day .
Walks have saved me . I walk twice a day . Even to get a coffee or juice and just walk. We learn to breath while our baby is on us against our chest and belly. Deep diaphragmatic breaths in a new momma way. We learn to walk a new path. I walk even if my baby is breastfeeding — even slowly in the carrier. While she sleeps. I walk.
Right now I cut my foot open on the bottom on something sharp on the beach, and it turns out I nicked a tendon.
I should be off of it— but we know that’s not possible with a baby . So I am still walking and breathing.
It helps my sanity .
I gained 50 pounds in my pregnancy even in Mexico sweating etc. I had extreme food adversions and did not like any of my healthy yummy things anymore. Couldn’t stand them.
I re-wired my perception of what I even considered healthy . Eventually I enjoyed just eating whatever I wanted . The whole pizzas to myself. The pastries. Whatever . And now I still eat whatever I want. I am healthy, vibrant and mindful, and also I listen to my body. Sometimes I really feel like I need that because I’m just starving my buns off giving everything to my child. It feels so gorgeous and magical and also like the life is sucked out of you. We have to replenish with nutrients and life force energy.
I promise you — you will find and walk the pathway . You will get stronger and stronger.
And then you will be even stronger than you were before.
You are beautiful . You are powerful. You are creator . You are giver of life. You are a goddess. You are a queen. You are a warrior. You are mother.
You stand in front of the mirror with your baby every day , and you show her/ him what a powerful beautiful woman is. You show her what beauty means. You are her pillar and foundation.
The passion I have for showing Nayiia a new way, a new lens — makes me stronger and makes me love myself as a mother more and more. Through showing her , you will start to believe it and shine. ✨.
You got this Momma.